FAQs (in case you are having difficulty putting a finger on your questions)

I've decided to go back to the office next week if my Dr. says it's OK at my Tuesday appointment. You see, I work in an office with 250 people and somehow know ALL OF THEM. Needless to day, I have not been looking forward to the onslaught of concern and questions when I return. Sooooo, I put together some FAQs to hang on my wall in hopes I can answer your questions (without answering your questions of course).

Q:
How did it happen? (choose one):

A:

a) A barracuda bit it off when I was deep sea diving in the Amazon.
b) A rabid anorexic bit it off as I was offering her a doughnut.

c) You see, there was this baby on a train track (or was it a squirrel?) and the train was coming awfully fast…… oh look, a chicken!

Q:

Do you still HAVE the finger?

A:
If using answer a: Yes – I actually was eating barracuda at a Chinese restaurant 3 weeks later and nearly choked on it.
If using answer b: Yes- luckily I have been fully schooled on the Heimlich Maneuver and was able to dislodge it from her bony gullet.
If using answer c: Yes and No – so here come da train and there was the squirrel and……… is that YOUR chicken?

Q:
Which finger is it?

A:
Don’t worry, “that finger” is still intact.

Q:
Is there anything I can get for you?

A:
Sure, I’ll have a finger Butterfinger please.

Q:
Gee, did that hurt?

A:
No not at all, I was on a local anesthetic as a precaution.

Q:
Will it grow back?

A:
Sure, it just needs periodic water and indirect sunlight.

Q:
So, do you miss that finger?

A:
You know, I thought I would but then I have discovered it isn’t very useful – not like the middle one or the pointer or the pinky when you are sipping tea with the classy Kardashians and that THUMB!!! Thinking about getting rid of the one on my other hand to get more streamlined.