Disclaimer: This is a long post and not recommended for those with short attention spans. However, if you or your child's lack of attention span is ADHD related, get comfortable because it would mean so much to me if you made it through this post.
I love all 3 of my children. I love them in a way that is indescribable, it can only be compared to God's love for us. Which is still indescribable. But I have a special place in my heart for Reed. Reed is different. I didn't know he was different for a long time. You see, I've not had a little boy in my house for some time. Thade was 10 years old when Reed was born. Rustin and I have exhausted ourselves these last few years chasing after Reed. I figure, hey I'm getting to be an old lady. This is why I don't remember these challenges with Thade. I credited Reed's energy level to his toddlerism (yep, I just made that word up so just go with it). Then I look at Adalae, who is also a very active little girl, but seriously like a lump on a log compared to Reed and his energy level. So I told myself, Reed is a boy, boys are full of energy, he's only 2, he's only 3, he's only 4, eek Now he's 5!! But he doesn't know any better. He's just a little boy. Reed hasn't taken a nap since just after his 2nd birthday. I never thought much of it - he will sleep when he's tired....
About 2 years ago, the problems started at school. In my mind, he did not have the right teacher. Then he had another bad teacher and yet another, and another. I was leaving work on a weekly basis to pick him up because they couldn't handle him. Our sweet volunteers at church started asking if we could accompany Reed to Powerkids. He was disruptive everywhere we went. At least he is consistent! Rustin and I had learned to deal with it at home. It took his first school politely requesting we find a new day care for me to finally realize who the common denominator is.
Reed. My sweet, spirited Reed. Reed has a special place in my heart because he is the sweetest little boy I know. Now don't get me wrong, I love Thade to death. But I'm also living with teenage Thade who, well acts like a teenager too often! But here's the thing about Reed; I know with all my heart he wants to please us, his teachers and everyone. I can see it in his eyes when he acts out that he can't control it. His doe eyes make it that much more difficult to discipline him. And believe me, we've tried every discipline trick in the book. We spanked him (which by the way now makes him laugh and say that didn't hurt). We do time out. We do progressive discipline which results as time alone in his room all night. We take away TV, toys, treats. We've even tried the over-board positive reinforcement route. We've read books, we've worked with child specialists, and we've failed. And that's how I feel. Like I've failed. I'm that parent in the restaurant or store that gets the stares from other parents and I know they are thinking, why can't she control her kid, he needs a spanking, he needs some discipline. I know this, I've made those same judgements. I was blessed with a first child that was easy, as far as I can remember. I mean, I was a teenager. I had a full-time job AND went to college full-time when Thade was young. And I seemed to have handled Thade better as a teenager than I can seem to handle Reed as a grown up. The realization I've come to breaks my heart. That all those spankings, the nights spent in his room, the frustrated words that came from my mouth, the time-outs, the taking his things away, were for nothing. I've been punishing my child for something I truly believe he can't help.
I write about all of this in the hopes that another mother stumbles across my blog and can know that she is not alone. The impulsiveness, the excessive talking, the chewing on clothes, the apparent disregard for rules, the "hearing" problems, the inability to sit still, the constantly darting eyes. I know these are all symptons of ADHD. We've started the process to have him evalutated and his pediatrician said with some confidence that she believes we will soon have an ADHD diagnosis.
I do feel that man-made medicine has a very appropriate place in our world, but I'm not ready to medicate Reed. Making this choice was overwhelming in itself because it meant we had to find another option. I know of many people, people that are close to me, that have medicated their children for ADHD. And I have all the respect in the world for the choices parents make for their children, including if medicating their ADHD child is one of those choices. Please know, my intention is not to ruffle any feathers. I realize how difficult of a decision this is for every parent out there fighting for the life of their ADHD child. But we've decided to go a different route.
Two weekends ago, we eliminated 75% of the food in our household. After a lot of research and prayer, we've decided as a family to make a lifestyle change and follow the
Feingold Program. The Feingold diet requires a strict adherence to food without artificial flavors and colors, synthetic sweeteners, Salicylates found in some fruits, and 3 preservatives, most often found in non-organic cereal and packaged crackers/cookies. Aside from the Salicylates, which is a natural occurring pesticide in some fruits to ward of bugs, the remaining eliminations are those that are chemically produced in a lab from petroleum. Yes, you heard me right - the stuff you put in your car! Here is a summary of the program: (and keep reading for an update on how we are doing)
The Feingold Program eliminates these additives and chemicals:
§ Synthetic coloring (are made from petroleum – crude oil) Will be labeled as Yellow 5, Red 40, etc. Most candies have synthetic coloring, most chocolates are OK. Basically, if it’s neon colored, it’s not allowed.
§ Artificial flavoring; label will typically list artificial flavor or “vanillin” which is artificial vanilla in the ingredients list.
§ Artificial preservatives (BHA, BHT, and TBHQ, made from petroleum). These preservatives are found in most cereal boxes.
§ Salicylates (a group of chemicals related to aspirin, which are a naturally occurring pesticide in particular food plants – see ‘Food sources of salicylates’ below; also manufactured and used in many products including medicines, perfumes and solvents). Only some are eliminated on the Feingold diet.
§ Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, saccharin, sucralose)
Food Sources of Salicylates
Almonds, Apples, Apricots, Aspirin, Berries, Cherries, Cloves, Coffee, Cucumbers, Currants, Grapes, Nectarines, Oil of wintergreen, Oranges, Peaches, Peppers (bell & chilli), Pickles, Plums, Prunes, Raisins, Rose hips, Tangelos, Tangerines, Tea, Tomatoes
We will reintroduce the fruits after a few weeks to see if he has a reaction, but honestly I've learned enough about the other additives to be OK never eating food dye again.
If you are a bit overwhelmed just from reading this post, you should be. I won't say this has been easy. What it's meant for our family is a lot of research, combing through the kid's day care lunch menus with food lists and cookbooks, 4 hour shopping trips to 4 different grocery stores, and my children have to say no to many foods their friends are eating right next to them.
So..... We are two weeks in, and we didn't buy the Feingold materials up front. We did the best we could just by reading labels. After week one, we saw enough of a change that we decided to purchase the materials. Reed was actually sitting at the table through most of dinner instead of getting out of his chair after every bite of food. He could brush his teeth without running through the house accompanied by the toothpaste trail. He could pay attention long enough to get fully dressed by himself. Hey, it's the little things!
We got the approved food list via PDF on Friday. I took a good look at it and promptly got very discouraged. I'd never heard of most of the food brands and thought, how can I possibly manage this? Rustin, (I just love him!), immediately offered to do the grocery shopping. After my 4 hour trip yesterday, I might just let him. I prayed and prayed for God to show me something, anything that would provide me with some discernment.
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5
Wow, ask and you shall receive! Today at church, Reed's teachers asked if we had put him on medicine. His teachers at church saw such a drastic change in his behavior, they just had to ask. I think Reed's behavior change has been somewhat gradual and so I was skeptical. But He gives us what we need, just when we need it. Just in case I needed more discernment, I got it a bit later. We forgot to ask his teacher what the snack was today. Well, it was chocolate teddy grahams. And could we tell an immediate difference in him after consuming the artificial flavor! It was like he was running by a motor all day.
When we made the decision to try a natural way to help Reed, I was immediately filled with anxiety. I thought, I have a full-time job, 3 kids, and I don't even know where to start. I buy food because I know my kids will eat it and/or it's on sale. I've never read a label in my life. Fortunately, Rustin got us jump started. He did a lot of the research and found the Feingold program. Since yesterday, I've met 3 other parents with ADHD children in the same position I was a few weeks ago. My hope is that this post can jump start another mother or father's search for an alternative to medication.
Praising Him today!!!
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