God is good. And Reed is a genius.

I could complete this post with:  I am blessed.  God is good.  That is all.  But that's no fun for all our adoring fans, right?  It's hard to know where to start, all the good stuff, even good stuff that brings so many tears at times.  I've been so intentional about being quiet the last several weeks. I refuse to let work, friends, my health, even my family distract me from pursuing this stillness.  I feel like I'm hearing Him, more clearly than I ever have before.  And as a result of this intentional quietness, I feel that my work, my friends, my health and my family are receiving His blessings!

Although I currently have a sinus infection, I'm thankful for the drugs we have available to us today!  3 hours after a steroid and antibiotic shot, I feel a little like that time in middle school I took mini-thins - but a WHOLE LOT better.  I returned to the office a couple weeks ago and everything has been great.  Believe it or not, I've only had 2 people ask to see my finger.  So I stick it in my ear to give the impression my non-existent entire finger is poking my big ole brain and then I sing, this little finger went to market, this little finger stayed home.  I usually don't get much further before the poor unsuspecting fool slowly backs away, assuming I lost a bit more than a finger.

So speaking of fingers (or lack thereof), I'm doing well physically.  I am healing, but it's such a slow process.  I have some hand function deficiencies that do hinder my ability to perform basic tasks, like removing heavy pans from the oven and spinning a basketball on my ring finger.  I am working hard in therapy 3x per week to gain as much function back as I can.  I have a tendon stuck in scar tissue that has eliminated my ability to make a fist (or even close) and surgery is likely the only option to free it (although my therapist tries his best with his latest torture stretching techniques).  But I'm electing to not have surgery for now.  I'm determined to get my prosthetic as soon as possible because #1. I've met my out of pocket max for the year and #2. I can't wait to ask Thade's friends to "pull my finger". 

Last week, I discovered that Reed has believed all this time that God would grow my finger back.  I know it sounds silly, and I have to laugh a little especially since I joked about it needing periodic water and indirect sunlight, but it was more sad than anything.  I've told him all summer how mommy will be fine, and that God is healing me.  I obviously didn't realize what "healing" meant to my sweet Reed.  I've had several talks with him since and he gets angry, and then sad.  He really wants mommy's finger to grow back and it's so hard to explain to a 4 year old why it won't; and more importantly why it's OK that it doesn't.  I just pray that God will give me the words to comfort my children and that they will know that I'm OK, that I'm better than OK, and that God is good.  And I pray that all of this will soften their hearts when they encounter someone that is different.  That they will will take a stand for those that are different and feel honored and proud to be their friend.

I learned last night that my sweet, precious niece Tatum, was charged this summer to pray for something, and to pray A LOT for it.  That can be a tall order for a 5th grader who has lots of competing priorities like braiding hair and making bracelets (her bracelets are awesome!!).  A short time after I had a huge forward step in my healing (new skin!), Barbara found out that I was the "thing" that Tatum had prayed for (Tatum didn't mention it before).  And that Tatum had accepted this charge full on and prayed A LOT for me and specifically, for skin.  I mean, come on God, how can you say no to Tatum?  I know I can't, and am thankful He didn't either!

Sharon continues to inspire me daily.  I love my visits with her and I think she likes me around sometimes. I find myself especially emotional after a visit with her (aforementioned tears).  I know she is on her way home, and home is not her lovely house in Ft. Worth, but that doesn't make it anymore sad that we all have to finish our days here without her.  Ok, so a little embarrassing to admit, but I feel like a Labrador around her.  I want to lay at her feet, crawl in her lap (except I have more sense than a dog to know that my big ole butt would crush her!).  Come on ya'll, I know I'm not the only one with this overwhelming urge and need to be in her presence so I expect some comments admitting your canine tendencies with Sharon Washburn!  I've been praying for Sharon and why He has forged this strong connection between us just as her life here on earth is coming to an end.  It's plainly obvious for me as Sharon has been such a source of strength for me, a mentor and example of what it is like to truly give it all to God and to be joyful and praise Him no matter what.  And I definitely needed some of that this summer.  But Sharon has no shortage of people that love her - and that she makes room for me is such a blessing.  His plans are bigger than this, though.  My sister-n-law Barbara had a word from God last night in my bathroom (you all know your best ideas are born in the 30 seconds of peace you have in the bathroom).  Well she had 5 words - Sharon Washburn Center for Hope.  So, I don't know what I'll do with the Center for Hope, but you better believe I'm getting involved.  Unfortunately, I know too well where some of these ladies are coming from, and I also know what laying it all at the cross will do for them!

Sidebar - because my blog needs some proud mommy content:
Not only do I make gorgeous kids, I make gorgeous kids with big ole brains (just like my big ole brain as noted earlier).  Not only can Reed say the pledge of alligience, he knows why we say it.  In Reed's words, "We say the pledge of allegiance in honor of all the policeman who have died because it brings them back to life."  Isn't that so true?  He might be thinking about mummified policeman pulling mommy over for a speeding ticket, but I choose to believe he is genius and there is so much wisdom in his words.  We say the pledge so that we remember what we stand for as a country and to remember those that have sacrificed for our freedom.

Check out Reed's reading skillz as he reads to RyRy.  I'm not sure why there is so much background noise, we only had 6 kids in the house. (if you can summon enought patience to get through the first 20 seconds, background noise subsides) Mommy is so proud that he can memorize read a book!

FAQs (in case you are having difficulty putting a finger on your questions)

I've decided to go back to the office next week if my Dr. says it's OK at my Tuesday appointment. You see, I work in an office with 250 people and somehow know ALL OF THEM. Needless to day, I have not been looking forward to the onslaught of concern and questions when I return. Sooooo, I put together some FAQs to hang on my wall in hopes I can answer your questions (without answering your questions of course).

Q:
How did it happen? (choose one):

A:

a) A barracuda bit it off when I was deep sea diving in the Amazon.
b) A rabid anorexic bit it off as I was offering her a doughnut.

c) You see, there was this baby on a train track (or was it a squirrel?) and the train was coming awfully fast…… oh look, a chicken!

Q:

Do you still HAVE the finger?

A:
If using answer a: Yes – I actually was eating barracuda at a Chinese restaurant 3 weeks later and nearly choked on it.
If using answer b: Yes- luckily I have been fully schooled on the Heimlich Maneuver and was able to dislodge it from her bony gullet.
If using answer c: Yes and No – so here come da train and there was the squirrel and……… is that YOUR chicken?

Q:
Which finger is it?

A:
Don’t worry, “that finger” is still intact.

Q:
Is there anything I can get for you?

A:
Sure, I’ll have a finger Butterfinger please.

Q:
Gee, did that hurt?

A:
No not at all, I was on a local anesthetic as a precaution.

Q:
Will it grow back?

A:
Sure, it just needs periodic water and indirect sunlight.

Q:
So, do you miss that finger?

A:
You know, I thought I would but then I have discovered it isn’t very useful – not like the middle one or the pointer or the pinky when you are sipping tea with the classy Kardashians and that THUMB!!! Thinking about getting rid of the one on my other hand to get more streamlined.

I will get by, with a little help from my friends

The last couple of weeks have been especially trying for me. I don't really know why. I came back to "reality" from vacation in California to "realize" life goes on. I have really great days, then not so great days. But I have realized my bad days correspond with my "I can do this myself" attitude which distances me from God. I know He is good. I know He gives me strength. I know He has a plan for me. I know He will reveal His plan in His own time. Problem is, patience is NOT one of my strengths.

But He is faithful and He gives me just what I need, just when I need it.  This weekend has been blessed. Truly a God-breathed weekend. My best friend and sister in Christ Leslie came to lift me up Friday night. She thought she was coming for a free dinner but ended up counseling me until midnight.  Rustin and I had lunch on Saturday with Chris and Stacie Hatchett.  Chris is our minister and we really look up to he and Stacie.  They both had some great words for me and I left lunch feeling better than I had in weeks.  Then Saturday night at Leslie's suggestion, Rustin and I watched Soul Surfer.  Soul Surfer is the true story of Bethany Hamilton, a pro-surfer that lost her arm in a shark attack.  Through her unwavering faith in God, she went on to surf competitively, serve others in His name and has been an inspiration to many around the world.  This morning in class, we heard the story from a brother in Christ about how God worked in his life through forgiveness on those that trespass on us. Tonight, we had the fortune to have dinner with the Washburns.  Sharon Washburn has decided to cease treatment for the cancer that is ravishing her body.  You can read her story here.  Sharon is one of the most amazing women I've had the pleasure to know!  God continues to answer no to her prayers for healing, her disease has progressed considerably leaving her unable to do things we take for granted every day.  Yet she sat there lifting ME up.  And she and Mike have been praying for ME everyday.  Sharon said something that really stuck with me.  Well she said lots of things that will stick with me but one thing I especially want to share.  She said, "Your kids are watching how you handle this."  How true is this although it's not crossed my mind.  This is my chance to praise Him even in the face of adversity; to be an example to my children.  Talk about perspective.

I'm in awe.  I shouldn't expect anything less from Him but it's still amazing every time he does this.  Here's the deal.  The last few weeks have been so much harder because my heart was hardening and I could feel the evil one planting those seeds of fear and doubt while I'm most vulnerable.  And how God fought back for me!  He gave Leslie, Chris, Stacie and Sharon just the words I needed to hear over the last 2 days.  None of them could have known in just what way the devil has attacked me.  I didn't have to say anything.  Because He knows.  And He loves me, no doubt. 

I am a woman who did not get her way. But Lord, I choose to follow you no matter what.

He's potty trained, promise.

Although I might end up deleting this post one day, like the post that forced my blog private so Thade could save face with his buddies, it's way too funny not to share.  I'm sorry Reed, I'm sure you will spew obcentities at me when you (or your girlfriend) are old enough to google yourself.  But just think of all those people you made giggle.  You can thank Uncle RyRy for sending me such awesomeness. Love, Mom

Toenails: Torture!

So, beach vacation day #3 started off with a toe injury that sent me to urgent care. I had to have my big toenail removed. Defintely the 2nd most painful experience of my life. I may have drawn blood from Rustin. All I know is poor guy had to pry my fingers out of his hand. Can't go in the sand, have to cancel my ballet class, yada yada. At least I fulfilled my bucket list item of driving the scooter at Target.













Check out the toe sock. Matches my finger sock quite well. Since
Memorial Day, I've sprained a shoulder tubing, injured my knee and wrist running, my hand/finger sliding off a dock, and now this. Maybe I just shouldn't leave the bed. Ever.

I know I'll have way more interesting pics from vacation to share than pitiful me on a scooter. Oh, except I haven't taken one yet. (I'll get right on that) Newport Beach is lovely as always. Perfect weather, beautiful beaches and great company. The kids are having a blast, I'm getting a tan, and my toenail will
grow back so I shouldn't complain. But it still does hurt like, well, getting your toenail ripped out so I suppose I'll whine anyway!

Happy Birthday Husband

To Rustin:

I'm so glad you were born on this day 32 years ago. I think my life would suck be much different if your mom decided enough is enough! after your brothers. Who would let the kids in bed with us? (they definitely know better than to show their face on mom's side at 2am). Who would find songs for me on iTunes? (nope - I never learned iTunes). Who would coach our sweaty teenager's basketball team? (um, when they make wine tasting a sport, I'm all in!). Who would tell me about the awesome TV shows I should be watching? (Breaking Bad most recently thank you very much). Who would play golf with such a pitiful and dreadful skilled, accomplished and somewhat charasmatic woman such as myself? Who would shave my right armpit in the shower when I didn't have use of my left hand? (I'm sure in your humbleness you are silently begging me to stop here) So- most importantly, who would love me just the way I am in just the perfect way? You are my best friend. I love you.

Your wife

Shock Therapy - They don't just do it in the movies

One thing I've always wanted to try besides Botox, Taming a wild hawk guitar lessons is shock therapy.  Well, today I got my chance!  What a weird (and not so comfortable) experience.  Basically, they hook you up to these nodes kinda like they do to crazy people in movies.  Except I didn't get to attack my annoying neighbor with a hot-glue gun or hide in a porta-potty toliet to deserve it.  The nodes send a shock to motor points that force your body into positions.  In my case, the shocks force my hand to close into a fist (well as close to a fist as I can get anyway).  It's interesting to say the least.

I saw the surgeon yesterday.  I didn't exactly get good news, but it's not bad news yet.  The skin flap he used to cover my stud is not gonna make it (that's OK flap-dude, just grow some more skin under your dying, patheticness and we'll be cool).  I have an option to go ahead with the skin graft surgery.  If I do, my healing time will be shortened but I would lose more finger.  And it's another surgery.  My other option is to keep waiting and pray that there is indeed good healthy skin growing under dying flap-dude. (Mr. Surgeon recommends this option).  My patience is growing very thin with the healing process.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss running.  I sleep on the wrong side of the bed to keep my hand on the outside and miss MY side.  I miss wrestling and picking up my kiddos.  It's hot and I want to swim.  I miss knitting (oh wait, I don't knit).  I'm still not able to hang my hand by my side and it basically hurts most of the time.  And did I mention it hurts?  Ok, ok, pity party over.

Overall, I'm doing well.  Rustin is fabulous, my kids are wild but sweet and my friends call and visit often. I have a new splint that leaves me with almost zero functionality but makes the injury less obvious which means I can stop telling nosy concerned strangers that an Obamacare supporter bit my finger off after I punched him.